Some nights are fucking hard sometimes. I mean it's really scary. I don't know how to relie the past and the present and the futur's scaring me. But i'm doing my best, i swear. It's not that it's easy to forget what i lived it's just that i destroyed myself so much that my brain doesn't work very well. My memory is fucked up. I have all thoses dead memories and old stories that come back now that i'm back in this world. It's not like where i lived for 10 days. But 10 fucking days i mean, it's nothing when you wake up in a bed, you that you're there, you know what you did but you don't exactly know why, you don't remember and somehow you don't want to. So yes. It was easy to forget but it isn't anymore. I made so many mistakes. But everything is ok now. Everything is saved. You saved my life baby. I will not forget it, i swear. When i ask me if i wanted to die, i want to say no. I want to say that i was just sad and i didn't care avout anyone or anything and i was just asking me what could kill me and i tried because nothing was keeping me on this world, i didn't have anything to lose. But i told it, i tried to kill myself i can't realise. But i have to admit it i really tried. Now i'm ok, but i think that i will always be this way, somehow suicidal. I have nothing that i didn't have before, i do know what i'm able to do. The only thing that i don't understand is that i always did my best to have a good life and be happy, and for the others to. I don't understand how i made for going down this way, cause i thought it was the good way. But i was wrong. I'm just trying to chose another one now and i'm hoping it is the good one.