Some nights are fucking hard sometimes. I mean it's really scary. I don't know how to relie the past and the present and the futur's scaring me. But i'm doing my best, i swear. It's not that it's easy to forget what i lived it's just that i destroyed myself so much that my brain doesn't work very well. My memory is fucked up. I have all thoses dead memories and old stories that come back now that i'm back in this world. It's not like where i lived for 10 days. But 10 fucking days i mean, it's nothing when you wake up in a bed, you that you're there, you know what you did but you don't exactly know why, you don't remember and somehow you don't want to. So yes. It was easy to forget but it isn't anymore. I made so many mistakes. But everything is ok now. Everything is saved. You saved my life baby. I will not forget it, i swear. When i ask me if i wanted to die, i want to say no. I want to say that i was just sad and i didn't care avout anyone or anything and i was just asking me what could kill me and i tried because nothing was keeping me on this world, i didn't have anything to lose. But i told it, i tried to kill myself i can't realise. But i have to admit it i really tried. Now i'm ok, but i think that i will always be this way, somehow suicidal. I have nothing that i didn't have before, i do know what i'm able to do. The only thing that i don't understand is that i always did my best to have a good life and be happy, and for the others to. I don't understand how i made for going down this way, cause i thought it was the good way. But i was wrong. I'm just trying to chose another one now and i'm hoping it is the good one.
You make me laugh really. What do you want me to say ? "I'm so sorry that you just blamed me when i needed a friend. I'm so sorry that i was sad enough that i wanted to die so much that i was going crazy and that i took so much pils that i was going to die. I'm sorry that my parents had to drive me to emergency, i'm sorry that they kept me in psychiatry, i'm sorry that i met the best guy ever, i'm sorry that he made me want to stay alive, i'm sorry that i did the same for him, i'm sorry that i stoped cutting because of him, i'm sorry that i stoped cutting because of me, i'm sorry that i stoped vomit and restart to eat normaly because of him, i'm sorry that now we're together and so happy, i'm sorry that you never came visit me in the hospital, i'm sorry that i have forgotten the guy who mad me crazy and that i'm ok."
I'm just sorry that you're stucked in a stupid relationship with a stupid girl who's just isoling you of what you had. You had me. But not anymore. Yeah i'm sorry for it.
Yeap, it's so easy to write mad things about someone publicly . So i hope you don't feel powerful for what you've done. Cause it's so much easy that it become just pathetic. I'm feeling pathetic for doing like you. But i know that when you'll see it you'll find it pathetic. It was just to show you what you've done.
Stop visit my blog. Come visit me at the hospital. And if you don't want to. Give me back my fucking stuffs. You are selfish. I always been there for you. But you nothing. You just can blame me and delete me of your life. Blaming me cause my ex don't give me back my stuffs but you're doing exactly the same ! So acte or hate yourself but hating yourself is stupid because you'll lost an occasion to do something good. You delete me like that, no explain, nothing. I thought you were my friend but you deceived me. You're wrong. I'm telling you cause i know that i'm right. You can't blame people for doing things that you are doing too.